Look, I'm sorry I've been posting weird messages in my blog okay? I apologize to everyone who was TOO involved in it. It's just that despite my "woohoo, I couldn't care less about the world" nature means that I don't have personal problems, I've been through tons of heartbreaks, really. Bet'cha didn't know that huh? Yeah, for the record, I had approximately 5.... I think, I forgot. Well, anyways, I'm back and no more emotionally crappy posts. Well, you might wonder, why did I like.... shift back to my old self. Well lemme tell you why.... the full story, WARNING, it's LONG.
You see, I find heartbreaks really stupid and I don't usually get hit hard by it, a day or two should suffice. But this time it was kinda different, you see I really love this girl, I really do love her, always had, it's still going on now. I got a big NO before, but that was last time, back when I barely knew her true colors. But as I got to know her, I found out that she's really a great girl, Though small size-wise, but she has a big heart and an open mind. And we became the best friends we are today. Hey, I even got to know the whole family =.=lll Aaaaaaaaaaanyways...
Yeah, I'm not gonna mention who she is, but she's definitely the the most attractive girl any guy would hope to meet, her determination, dry humor, courage, compassion, outgoing-ness and her kindness is what makes me adore her so. She's been in and out out of relationships, we helped and supported each other through our troubled times and came out on top, growing closer which each hardship faced, her tears were my sorrow and her happiness was my satisfaction. Till recently where she got out of a relationship that couldn't work, I tried my very best to get her back on top, and (hopefully...) I did and in the process she slowly became my first priority, no secrets were kept between us.
She told me she wanted a boyfriend one day, I (of course) resisted to suggest me, and just watched her pick the boys she liked one by one forcing a "wow" or a "cool" out of myself. 'Cuz I and nothing more to say. And 2 weeks ago, she made up her mind, finally found a guy, and it hit me unexpectedly, I was like "WHOA! You for real on this? I thought you didn't really like him." She's like "Yup." with that determination in her words, I just had to agree with her. Then The week of the Merdeka holidays (which was last week) she got a sudden bitchslap from the past and couldn't sleep. At 12 AM I was about to get my personal gaming time privacy, a call came in, it was her, I'm like "WHAT?! *closes PSP*" and picked up the phone, trying my best to comfort and hopefully it did work. And something really unexpected happened..... I told her, that if she really needs someone by her side, why don't I take her on a date that Friday. And she said yes, I was honestly in shock....
So time flew.... but like 2 days before I took her on that promised date..... she finally mentions the guy again and they got together, hence the mark of my emotional posts because I was seriously opening up myself to her again and I felt that I was being used just as a stepping stone. I was really sorry about that. And after they got together for a few day, I was encouraged by 2 other pals to just tell her, to lift the burden out, so I did..... indirectly. Seems like she's bound to him for life, so I gave up there. The next day though (thanks to my BRILLIANT friend; ZARRAH MARIE MORDEN) I was SO busted, she told her EVERYTHING. So the girl was feeling guilty and tried to make up for it, I was still in my emotional state. I told her (for her sake) to just forget it and she said "only if you would draw for me, draw me what happens if I never said no to you." So I did...... I did it with passion, putting my heart and soul into it, referencing to a great fanart of Final Fantasy VIII.
But....after I did the rough sketch, it hit me..... that this....beautiful vision....would never happen.....EVER. So I hurried up with the outlining, not caring one bit to shade it and captured it, sent it to her, she started to comment on it saying it's beautiful, I was actually really happy on how she likes it, but I also hated it, because it will never ever come true, considering the circumstances. Hence the previous post.
Then today, Me and Zarrah were talking about stuff and suddenly a subject of her obsessive ex came up, she told me to read his whole blog, I did, and that's when my eyes were opened, he was stalking her every move, blogging for redemption and pity, I grew aware and if that's what's gonna happen to me, I'll stop blabbering immediately. I also heard the song Remembering Sunday from his blog, caught me on right on the spot and downloaded a high quality 10MB version since it had me written all over it( song and lyrics are at the next post).
So this is it, I've spoken the truth to the naked eye, NO MORE HIDING, I have a new resolve and I'll finish that picture! And yes, to the precious someone who (I hope) will read this, I will always be there for you no matter what. This is it, nothing lies hidden beyond here...
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